For Younger or for Older.

by Dori Nicole

Sacramento, Ca Jan. 7. 2016

Watching my loved ones age is terrifying. It’s not just the diabetes that seems to run rampant, but more so the result of poor life choices I have to witness helplessly be it abusive relationships, poor diets, and alcoholism.

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Living in a constant state of fear can end one’s life long before they go into the ground. My grandmother never traveled unless it was back home to New York on the blue moon. She also never loved again after her first failed marriage to my grandfather. Now she goes over to my mother’s house just to sit on the couch and play games on her phone. Or she’ll swing by to see if anyone wants to go to the dollar store that was closer to her house than my mom’s.

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It wasn’t that long ago that I believed I never wanted to get married but it’s purpose becomes more apparent with every new season I enter. It’s especially important if I never bear any children to fight over who’s house I will stay at once my mind starts to go, or to produce the grandkids I will need to hang out with me in exchange for junk food.

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I once thought it overbearing to date someone who called everyday I was  away to make sure I did the stretches for my back and if I took any hot baths; if I lit my candles for it, and if I’ve been wearing my back brace. Someone who checks on if I took my iron supplement that night, and If I slept well the next morning.

I’ve experienced nothing more life-changing than having to suddenly rely  on another person to bathe me, dress me, pay my bills and cook. And while in the moment I was screaming in my head asking why I deserved to go through it all, the many lessons attached only grew me further as I began to regain my independence.

To discover the people with whom we can display our vulnerabilities to without fear is one of the greatest gifts of life. These people are often given to us within vessels we will never expect and it may or may not take a whole lot of pain for us to discover who they are.

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