We Don’t Know Where We are Going, or Who We Will Be.

by Dori Nicole

The rain is making everything feel refreshing and almost like winter. I”m witnessing myself become more and more introspective as I grow older and some times I see this as more of a curse than a blessing. I wish that I can get a little more OUT of my head than in, but perhaps that’s exactly where I need to be right now.

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I’ve been wishing for a long life. I use to fear growing old but now that I see myself at 26, I know how many different lives I’ve lived in this short one. I want to see how many others I can live and who else I will become. What other fears I can conquer.

I don’t always see myself as adventurous or brave despite my lifestyle. Often times my anxiety debilitates me and I turn down opportunities  and plans that are aligned with the dreams I have for my life. It’s a constant head battle but I would love to see a lifetime where it wasn’t so.

I had forgotten how important music is. I went these last two months without listening to music of any sort. Before making the move to LA, I spent 2 years listening to nothing other than country music. A genre I never would’ve predicted I would enjoy in previous lifetimes. I downloaded some anti-stress apps and sleep music. The kind where you can listen to birds chirping, with piano music in the background, a frog, and a vacuum cleaner buzzing in the distance (you can choose each overlay sound). This is another thing I never would’ve guessed I’d be doing.

Listening to my iTunes on shuffle this morning showed me every person I used to be, am, but doesn’t show my future. It began with one of my all-time favorite bands : AudioSlave, went into some random royalty free music I use for editing videos (naturally I skipped those), went into Kanye West, Rick Ross, Classical Piano, and The Black Keys.

Black Keys won the shuffle.

I began packing yesterday and am continuing today. I finally fly to my moms house tomorrow night and I have plenty of sweats, tank tops, and sarongs for the trip I hope to take afterwards. I can’t wait to hug my dog again.