Butterflies are born from Darkness.

by Dori Nicole

One thing I love about my depressive state is that I always emerge with wings.

Today I felt as if I was in a Disney musical with birds and things singing to me as I tried to stretch out the aching cramp between my shoulder blades. I know the image doesn’t quite add up but the point is I am in a great mood and eager to seize the day despite having lingering back pain from my cheap futon.

I had a new vision of myself and all of the things I was good at, but never noticed. I had been setting small goals to accomplish by the end of the year and it wasn’t until today that I realized just how small I had been dreaming.

I woke up and saw that the angel on my shoulder reappeared to take the place of yesterdays demon. She showed me how much progress I’ve made in the last 7 days alone. Most of my small goals had been met and surpassed without me even noticing, and it was revealed yet again just how insidious these head things can be. The ability to both blind us and block out all the light that reality is actually offering while keeping our eyes wide open.

I’ve been adding to the mood by continuing on with my psychotic female movie marathon including The Life and Crimes of Dorise Payne, Bound to Vengeance and Kristy and I have also started reading Let the Right One In by John Ajvide Lindqvist. I don’t know why my soul is so dark I am just so thankful that it is.

This morning in the grocery store an older hispanic woman asked my boyfriend if I was pregnant as he pushed our cart of produce. He told her no and she replied, “she is. very beautiful. you check.”

He then told me we needed to get the hell out of the store. I took it as a compliment because I’ve been working very hard on my skin and body  lately and have been glowing quite a bit, however this is the 4th woman, including my mother, who has been speaking babies into my womb and I think he finally got uncomfortable.

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