Growing into Your Person – or Establishing a New Goal.

by Dori Nicole

If I spent 8 hours a day 5 days a week on my own hobbies, what will happen?

Most days I think about how much of my time I invested into companies that also had several other employees maybe even thousands of other people dedicating the same amount of time I was and possibly even more and it soon became a big business. Multi million dollar companies flourished because of the investment of not only money but time. The time of one person then two people then ten then hundreds and maybe even thousands of everyday people giving 8-10 hours of their day 5-7 days a week to a specific dream.

The major things that happen all around us started with a simple idea and was followed by diligent focus and hard core work ethic to bring it forward. Almost nothing has appeared out of thin air and the people and artists that wrote that book, painted that mural, danced that solo, built that brand or that business most likely have struggled with the same insecurities and questioning of if they could ever “do it” and once it happened, they probably could not believe it or had a hard time adjusting to the new work load, or the newfound fame or fortune they have acquired and everything those changes entail. Success and money does take it’s toll on everyday life and relationships. People view you differently if you’ve built a business, an online personality or anything that may seem of unattainable status and those things can cause trauma within family relationships, strain on the personal psyche and shifts in life as one knows it sometimes… not all the time.

Back when I had a successful blog in my early adult-teen years, the blog began to eat at and destroy the different relationships around me and so I decided to destroy the blog. It was like I had been found out and that no one in my real life liked me because of it, so I shut it down and betrayed myself and my own identity and success. At the time I had no idea it was success because I wasn’t making money from it but now 6 years later, I see how lucrative that all could have been had I stuck with it until now. Instead I became a ghost and pretty much disappeared and went about my life as a regular undocumented human being until I was able to grow into myself enough to where I frankly didn’t give a fuck about what anyone else had to say about who I was.

This could be a product of a near-death experience that happened this year but I had this epiphany that I am just a pure genius at a lot of things. Why do I doubt myself so much?! and better yet, Why should I give things up for a 9-5 when I love my hobbies so much that when I quit that 9-5 I immerse myself in them. I rush out to update my blog, to photograph the world, to travel , to draw and simply breathe in the essence of what life is to me and explore what I feel I can offer to the world. What I have inside of me is a work I cherish and enjoy so much that I continue to do it even when no one at all is watching.

My photography practice continued and improved during my absence although I had no one to share it with. I continued to write and make lists and check things off but did not document any of that growth. I guess that part of life was just for me to have. Today, it’s like I am struggling to put a name to myself again, to show my face and meet others who have the same passions and interests at me that can provide inspiration for me to continue doing what I love so I can then inspire someone else. It’s a lot like starting at ground zero and while it is amazingly refreshing to be starting again as this brand new person 6 years later, it is also challenging because now everything is so saturated that I actually may never be seen or heard again. That thought right there is what stopped me so many times before. Now, I’m all like

Who. the fuck. CARES.

What I did back in the early days was simple. I didn’t do anything special but what I did do was dedicate the TIME. I dedicated the time every single day.

My time was what made things flourish. I wrote religiously every single day maybe 5 times a week or even multiple times a day giving my best work every time. Now , looking through this blog, I noticed that up until recent months I had been posting so irregularly, l loved to disappear and flat out forget about my blog until something major happened or I got bored or inspired. I sincerely believe that I have made excuses for everything to get in the way of doing the work again when really it was my own pessimism and laziness and obsession with perfectionism and doing things “the right way” . Being too sick, or overworked or tired or simply believing no one was interested in anything about me stopped me everyday for years. I want to dedicate that time again. I’ve been on a roll with my timelines making sure I conjure up at least one post and one video blog every single week but now that I got that schedule down, I want to kick it up a notch.

I would love to post on my blog  5 times a week again. Just write again and build community with other people. I miss that so much. Since I have been keeping up with my schedule I noticed my love for writing has never gone away, my love for all of my interests and talents are still alive and thriving in the darkness just ready to be used once again. I want to treat this like a job the way I used to do without knowing. I want it to be my baby again and the more time I invest the more it feels that way. I love coming to my own blog and reading my old posts and I want that continue. So, readers I hope to see you every night hopefully 5 days out the week every week.

I want to know what would happen if I were to dedicated working hours to all of my hobbies the way I do when I am hired elsewhere. What actually will happen if I did things regularly, studied for it, took notes and gave my very best efforts every single time.

Will my dream life finally be for me?

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